"Iyarkai Aram Nalakkattalai, Ramanathapuram" conducted an Essay Competition. M.S. Seyed Maryam from Kayal Patnam won second prize.
Essay Title:
Why are today's marriages so quickly headed for divorce? What is the solution?
Gone
are the days of ignorance. But even if the husband utters a small bad word in
anger at some point, women today throw him away.
Even
though there was no money or education in those days, good qualities such as
patience, kindness, humanity, justice, fairness, virtue, good habit, good
conduct, faith and temperance were excellent in people.
But
today, even though they are educated, they make a hasty decision in their
married life because of the absence of the 'sanctity' that should be known in
human life, and come to the wrong conclusion that divorce is the complete
solution.
Let's
see what is the reason for this and what is the solution for this.
Periods of Married Life
1. Honeymoon Period
This
can be said to be the loving period of husband and wife. During this period,
the couple will suppress their bad qualities like anger, hatred, power,
arrogance, lying etc. and live a wonderful and loving life.
They
think that this love will last a lifetime. Because this is what they see in
movies and story books, they believe that it is the reality.
But
all this love and affection will last for few days or months. During happy
times, the human body secretes the hormone endorphin, which makes the brain
work better, so despite the wrong words and actions between the couple, the
mind takes it positively without considering them as accusations.
During
such periods couples share their past experiences, joys and sorrows.
They
rejoice in the hope that this state of love will last forever. But this
situation will gradually get changes and the next period will start.
2. Struggling Period
This is
the period when the couples’ spontaneity begins to emerge. It is not possible
to live in hiding natural habits all the time. So, the true face will start to
emerge. That's when one will think, “It hasn't been like this for so long...
the person has changed... we have chosen the wrong life partner... what should
we do now?" The mind begins to lament.
The mind
wonders, 'Why are these things happening?' They will stand frozen in shock. It
is at this moment that the mind becomes weak and refuses to accept the partner.
This is
where the problem arises. It is during this period of struggle that the
restless mind becomes stiff and withers. Shaythan also oscillates the mind and
causes confusion.
It is at
this time that many people opt for divorce. They cannot lead life well.
But those
who have temperance and patience will know their differences in nature from
each other, know the inner mind, give up and lead life in a good way.
Hasty
people take the decision of divorce in haste without analyzing and giving due
time.
If you
think and act during this period, you can move forward with success in life.
Next comes
the period of understanding.
3. Understanding Period
Both sides
of the couple can have both qualities! Not everyone is of the same nature. So,
there will be various differences of opinion. Since both people are not
perfect, if they don't see their flaws and accept them as they are, if they act
with understanding, the forthcoming period will become real life and life will
start rolling in a good way.
Some
aspects to keep in mind for a happy and trouble-free married life:
1.
Respect feelings and openly talking:
Openness is a major pillar of family love. People who run after money because
they don't have time wander without peace of mind. You need to understand what
your partner needs and fulfill it and openly talk.
2.
Seeing and consulting partner as a friend: If you are friendly with your partner as you are with
a friend, then the relationship will be sincere. Love lasts for a while. But
friendship stretches as the ocean. So, show friendly affection.
A woman is
the one who likes to share his husband in any matter, big or small. We should
follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (May Allah bless him and grant him peace)
who analyzed not only household matters but also problems in society and gave
solutions.
3.
Facial Expression:
The wife's smile and face cheer up the husband who returns home after going out
to work for the happiness and maintenance of the family. It removes his
fatigue.
The help
and cooperation of the husband will give full satisfaction and happiness to the
wife who manages the home and family well.
4. A
transparent relationship:
There should be no lies in marriage. There is no place for acting in front of
the spouse. So, there should be absolute trust, honesty and transparency in the
marriage relationship.
5.
Resolve problems immediately:
Disagreements and moments of dissatisfaction are normal in life. But rather
than keeping these things in mind and blowing smoke, we should reveal the
contradictions and solve the problems.
6. Dua: Allah's grace should be available
to make married life happy and family to be cool. The following prayer taught
by the Merciful Allah should be sought frequently:
"Our
Lord! Grant us that our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes, and do
make us the leaders of the God-fearing." (Surah Al Furqan 25:74)
And always seek the duas taught by the Prophet PBUH.
7. Bringing up children religiously: Women are the
lights of the home. They should bring up their children religiously and
adeptly. Efforts should be made to make them capable of coping with hardships,
losses, sufferings, and normal life inequities.
Kindness, love, respect and dignity should be taught and nurtured to them.
What women should avoid?
1. The wife should not command the husband. It becomes Ego.
2. A wife should not say to her husband, "If you were a good man, you
would have done this." Because to the husband, "Am I not a good
husband?" A question arises and it becomes a problem.
3. A wife should not say to her husband, "I am in this condition
because you are such a husband." It infuriates him and scars him deeply.
Things making wives happy:
1. “I am there for you all the time” is the word enough for a wife from her
husband. The wife will finish all the remaining works beautifully.
2. A small word of appreciation and congratulations to her is enough. She
thrives on all of them amazingly.
3. She will become an indescribably wonderful companion if you give your
time for her and listen her tirelessly.
4. If you give her support and approval, she will become soulful and loving.
The Quran and Hadhees Teachings:
Allah says in the Holy Qur'an:
And of His signs is that He created for you from
yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between
you affection and mercy. (Surah Ar Room 30:21)
They are your garment, and you are theirs. (Surah Al
Baqarah 2:187)
The Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) said:
“Behave well with women. A woman is created from a rib. The most angular
aspect of a rib is at its top. If you try to build it, you will break it. If
you leave it, it will be crooked. So be kind to women.” (Narrated by: Abu
Hurairah (RA), Source: Bukhari)
Once the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said: “The most beautiful among
you is the one who is perfect in faith among the believers. The best among you
is the one who behaves best to his wife!” (Narrated by: Abu Huraira (RA),
Narrated by: Tirmidhi)
“A woman is married for four things. For her wealth, for her clan
distinction, for her beauty, and for her devotion to religion. Marry only
religious women. May you be well," said the Prophet.
Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet (May
Allah bless him and grant him peace) had said: "A woman who dies while her
husband is pleased with her will enter her soul." (Tirmidhi)
“A believing man should not (absolutely) despise a believing woman. Abu
Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (May Allah bless
him and grant him peace) said, "Even if he hates one quality in her, let
him be satisfied with another." (Sahih Muslim: 1469)
“A good woman is the best asset a man can store. She makes her husband
happy when he sees her. She obeys him when he commands. She will protect her
(property) in the absence of her husband,” said the Prophet (May Allah bless
him and grant him peace). (Narrated by: Ibn Abbas (RA), (Abu Dawud 1417)
Conclusion
Both husband and wife should act as two sides of the coin. Marriage is an
arrangement made by Allah to get pleasure in worldly life, to avoid mistakes
and to create heirs.
If we understand each other and behave in the way shown by Allah and Rasool
in our married life and in all activities of life, we will get success,
happiness and peace in this life and pave the way to get happiness in the
hereafter, Allah's grace and mercy.
Everyone should strive to reach a point where no one can even think of
divorce as an emergency solution in life.
If we do a good deed seeking Allah's pleasure alone, then Allah will
support it. There is no doubt about it.
